Keepin' It Real

Some recent email correspondence between two pregnant moms (edited to protect your delicate sensibilities)

Me: I promise that sometimes, we do put clothes on our kid. Like when he goes outside.

Friend: You guys are just trying to create that "Southern" feeling in your house. I know it. You can admit it. Babies in nothing but diapers is the first step. Next step is taking them to Wal-mart like that, but I guess it's a little chilly for that where you live.

Me: Oh, yeah! Sometime, I’ll have to show you the video of The Kid playing in the back yard baby pool, completely nekkid, with mom and dad sitting off to the side in the car seat that was pulled out of our old Suburban, next to a beer cooler. That visual says it all. Classy.

Friend: Wow, that picture has to be next to "classy" in the dictionary. You guys belong back in the South so bad, it hurts. Who else can I indulge in "barefoot and pregnant" jokes with? Everyone I work with is all, blah blah blah, education, proper grammar, good hygiene, blah blah blah. And there's an unreasonable focus on having all of one's teeth.

Me: Wow. What a bunch of snobs! I’m so glad I work and live in a place where I can “keep it real.” Like unbuttoning the top button on my maternity pants after lunch. That might have been the best part of my day. Oh, and I actually accidentally burped in front of my new male coworker earlier today. I just blamed it on pregnancy. Yeah, the conversation just kind of immediately died at that point. Then there was last week, when we were meeting in my boss’s office, and I just sat down on the floor. Everyone was all, oh, pregnant lady, don't you want the couch? And I was all, nah, it’s roomier down here. You know, Alaska and the South actually have a lot in common. Maybe they should secede and form their own country.